A non-mumbaikar's guide to "Locals"

This post was long overdue and I had decided to post it on the day when I get rid of my daily 1 hour travel to the office in Mumbai. The travel part has ended thankfully but I couldn't post it as I was packed off to Pune.

Over the period of 10 months that I was forced to make believe that one has to actually enjoy Mumbai locals as there are no better options than that I just noted down a few finer points. Obviously ones who have tasted it, may be knowing it but just in case someone new can make use of it.. who knows? My experience stems out of daily travel from Vashi to Mumbai CST (formerly VT) and part travel on Churchgate to Andheri. So here are a few notes out of my travel diary on Mumbai Local

Western Line starting from Churchgate is the worst of the lot, followed by the central line and then the harbour line (on which i've survived for 10 months).
If your monthly income allows you to spend around 400-600 Rs extra without burning a hole in your pocket you can cut down around 25% of your woos by travelling in 1st Class. However in the hours that matter this may prove to be ineffective.

Now for a few tips:
Getting In ...
There can be two situations for this:
Situation One- The train is starting from the station where you are boarding it. In
such a case you are advised to know the time when that train actually comes into the station and make sure that you arrive before that time. Identify the side which people use to get in. And if you are a good athlete you better be well trained to acclimatize yourself to the speed with which the train enters the station. Also know the spot where the your
compartment/gate is likely to come. For first class choose the larger compartment's second gate as that's usually the lesser mobbed one. And since most of the people lack common sense they will go right from that gate towards more number of seats while you can buck the trend and hit left towards smaller block. If you don't get a seat also, wait as there might be some gentleman who'd be waiting to get down.

Caution: If anyone falls in this wrestling match, don't try to show your chivalry by trying to pick him up as you may actually pile up his agony by falling flat on him and be rained down by footsteps.

Situation Two: The train doesn't start at your station. If its the rush hour and you badly need a seat. You better go in the opposite direction to a station from where the train starts and get in. Else you just need carry a lot of weight and power in your arms to push and shove people.

All this to just get in .. Pray to almighty that you get a seat because despite all the planning and agility you may still end up without a seat and may have to spend the rest of the time standing.

In transit ...
If you travel regularly during the travel and you get a seat, be courteous to give your seat to someone who also travels regularly. Someday they may return the gesture and you may even make some good friends.

If you are standing be aware of where you are standing coz if you are blocking the exit route you may get to hear the choicest of abuses which may just make your day.

Don't let anyone get into the area between the two rows of seats, that's their most convenient way of blocking your chance of getting a seat in case someone is getting up.

If you haven't got much into the compartment, the best place to stand is next to the door with the support of the bar and back resting against the rear of the seats. And once you are packed (this can actually defy the logic of space constraint in terms of how many objects can be packed in a give space) do not try to shuffle of move. Learn to be a statue. Be ready to enjoy various kinds of odor. And keep feeling for your pocket to ensure your wallet is where its meant to be.
Please do not.. i repeat DO NOT stand near exit point or a queue that's not meant for you.
If you do that you can be assured of being thrown out of the train at a station that is not meant for you.

Getting Out...

If you are travelling in the opposite direction of regular traffic of the train (e.g coming to Churchgate/VT in the evenings) you better not stand at the gate of the train. Else before you realise you will be assumed as a punching bag and knocked out in no time. In such a situation hold on to the bar next to the gate with your face towards the seats. This way maximum damage will only be to your ass.

Make sure that in a crowded train you get up at least one station before the one that you intend to get out.

If you are struggling how to get out, just make sure you are in the queue of ppl who need to get out. Rest everyone else will do to ensure you are out of the train.

General :

As far as possible don't even risk taking a train that goes too far a distance beyond your station. On western line, unless you have to go to Borivali or Virar, don't even think of taking a fast in the rush hours. You'll never get down.

Remember the dates of your monthly pass. The TTEs have a knack of catching you at the worst possible time.

Keep an eye on any suspicious objects/humans ..

FM can be one of the better partners in such journeys. Recommended channel : FM Rainbow between 7-10 in the morning. FM gold between 5-8 in the evening.

Finally if you are not tired of this post already, don't forget to thank god if you survive one more day in the locals. On an average around 3000 people die every year in one or the other accidents involving Mumbai Locals.
And yes to its credit, each day could make you come across a new kind of character enriching your life with a different experience...