Expressions

Yesterday I created a post and then deleted it. Reason? Well I didn't like it. It just didn't make me feel as if there was conviction behind it. As my friend put, it felt like having been created for the sake of it. And thus I got the idea of this post on "Expressions".

What is an expression ? Is it a form that we give to a thought or an idea? Or is it just a way of communication? A mix of the two? Or something completely different? This we can perhaps leave to the interpreters interpretation.

More important perhaps is the need of expression for ourselves. Sometimes when we look at ourselves in mirror it is our expression that we see more than we the person as we are. And it is our expression that scares us or makes us happy or makes us sad about it. But that expression in mirror is undiluted and is beyond our controls. The written expression comes with that advantage and disadvantage both. Advantage that it gives us a chance to alter the expression in the way we would want. If we are connected to ourselves, our honesty will reflect in it and our expression can be that much closer to our true selves. And yet at the same time the control that we can exercise in it leaves it susceptible to the way we want to be looked at as.

But then just the way a river looks best in its natural flow, poetry in motion, the poetry of words would also be best in its unbridled form. Yet people are also scared of putting down their thoughts in words. Some think that they are not good at it, some think that they are not good at words and yet there are others who are scared to do so. They feel that the lack of that control which can induce the adultery leaves there true self exposed to the world. This fear I wonder is good for one or bad ? Or is it wrong altogether to measure this in terms of good or bad. After all at the end of the day it is a person's individual choice whether he wants to feel vulnerable or remain unseen from the eyes of the world.

What is that I express for? I make attempts to give a tangible form to my thoughts and ideas. For I fear the moment when they may get lost. It is an instrument for me to be closer to myself and my real self. Losing ones individuality could be one of the worst things that could happen to someone. And my writing reminds me of what I am? The good, the bad and the ugly as well. A blank paper is a better mirror for me than that made of silicon. The poetry of words more alluring then a poetry in motion. The black and white of words better than grey of the world. The fonts of alphabets more revealing than the clothes of a sensuous lady. The commas and full stops more reminding then a thousand roadblocks. The prologues and epilogues more interesting then beginnings and ends. And the journey of life is best covered in words then any dam that captures the rivers ...

And hence my expressions ... expressions to myself .. my messages to my own heart .. my own logic thrown back to my brain .. To ask .. to argue .. to fight .. to change .. to stay .. to move and to stop .. to admire and to hate .. to expect and to let go ..

Thus the journey of expressions of a foolish soul ...

Options and Decisions

Well today's post is related to a poem of mine wherein I've tried to ask myself a few questions. Perhaps these questions ring in many other minds/hearts also. The questions related to options we get in life and the options we come to exercise based on certain decisions of ours that we make.
I feel at any point of time in life we have options and based on the option we choose we get the next option. Much like GRE or similar exams where your answer decides your next question. But what decides our performance at the end of the exams ? Is it our capability to take the right decision or the capability to take the decision at all or is it our tendency to keep looking back on the previous decisions that we made.

If we think of ourselves some of us would leave our decisions to others. Some would choose an option and think what would have happened if we had chosen the other one. Then there would be some who would just chosing the option till they realise that they have just been making the wrong choices. And then there will be a breed which will realise that with each choice the next one has to be made more carefully based on the past experience. And there would be yet another set who will just keep clicking a random number. We can give various names to such categories, cowards, reckless, mature/experience, fools (not in the corresponding order).

But we all know that some of us emerge as winners while others end on the low scores. So what is it that winners do and the others don't. Perhaps first thing that they realise is that life is not just an exam. Its beautiful after all. Life does contain a mix of logic and emotions. And emotions come to us naturally. Logic is the name they give to the patterns they build in our brains by a systematic set up of "education". So do they strike the balance between the two ?

Lets now take an example. Relationship. Instead of elaborating on how different people would react to this, we need to just ask ourselves. And we would get the answer what kind of a person we are. All of us in life would have had to make a choice on this aspect. Based on what we chose we would be in different situations. And how we have dealt with those would let us know quite a lot about ourselves.

At the end of it if I look at it we can chose to be forward driven or sit on the fence trying to be our own judge rather than letting life decide while we perform our role that we chose for ourselves.

As one of my friend put "We always overestimate our roles in others' lives and understimate theirs' in our life."

On this note .. my work ..

उलझी हुई डोर को,
सुलझाने मॆं निकले जो पल,
उन पलों में ,
कुछ सिरे मैने छोड़ दिए
उस पार उन सिरों के,
थी एक अनजान जिन्दगी,
अनजान मगर थी तो कुछ जिन्दगी,
जहाँ ना शब्दों का शोर,
ना ईंट के घर,
ना आंखों मॆं ठंड,
कुछ एहसासों का स्पंदन,
कुछ शरीरों के गर्मी,
एक सड़क सपाट अनंत

मगर इधर उलझी डोरों,
मॆं उलझा मन ,
हर टूटती डोर,
मॆं गाँठ बाँधता यह मन ,
कौन जाने कब छूट जाये,
ना दिखने को पर्यंत
बस अपने जाल खुद बुनता,
कुछ पाने की तलाश मैं,
एक मूढ़ बुड़बक ,
पहचान ना हो जिसकी अभिन्न

Sublimity of moments

Today's thoughts are picked up where I left a bit in my previous post on moments. Moments that are there and next moment the moment is gone :). How we wish some of them could linger forever and some had never occured. But isn't this sublimity that prompts many to say "live by the moment" or "cherish the moments"? And after all its not always in our hands that which one do we regret to have lived and which one would stay with us for ever. Everyday the book of memories written in words of moments may have a new chapter. And yet certain chapters may be blank or some may just disappear. Its like giving a book to a child. The child within us. We chose to read something we may find interesting. Some of which will make us laugh. Some leave us amused. And some would still be baffling. We try so hard to tear away some pages. But the book is hard bound by time. So even if we tear a part of those pages will always stick. Leaving a break in the book. Would we appreciate such a thing in a book? Then why do we wish to erase those chapters by tearing away the pages? Why not discover the chapters of our own life and try to write the next story? A collection of short stories could be as endearing as an unending saga! But no we don't. Why? That's perhaps the critical question. Because that I feel is essential to the process of self discovery. Not all of us are interested in that because we are afraid of the chapters we have written. The chapters that could define the final chapters of the book. Or the fear of the two words "The End". Whatever be the reason, unless we enjoy our own book no other reader would perhaps like it? I could be wrong or I could be right .. but the fact is that i'm still writing the chapters and still trying to discover .. Who knows the chapters might be closing too soon. On that note a work that I wrote today ..

lamhon ko qaid karne ke jeddojahad,
maano pakdne hon kuch ret ke kan,
dhool bhari aandhi main,
badalta dharatal har waqt,
kshanbhangur us lamhe ke umar|

yaadon ke samandar main,
abhi jeevit ek lamha,
maano toofan se ghiri ek kashti|
kab ubare lehron se,
ya doobe ghare paani main|

Jhulasne se pehle,
sooraj ke dhoop se bachane ko,
kuchh badalon ke chhaon main,
baarish ke ek boond ke aas lagaye
kuchh ghaas ke tinke|

A new beginning to find the start ..

Before I start on this journey I would like to give someone the credit where its due. This is for someone who helped me find a name for this blog and someone who has enriched my life so much and added a new dimension to my thoughts. So this is a tribute to her.

The Prologue: This is finally a new beginning. A new beginning of giving form to my thoughts. Thoughts that flood me a moment and then desert me. The moment that I would long to last till the last but the longing is what gets long before the words fail to become a song. The moment which I would try to stick to before it disappears in sliding sands (credit to Maddy - for these words) ..So this is an attempt to capture those moments.

Today I would like to begin with an insight on the word that I have chosen to sign off my posts with - "Contrarian"

con‧trar‧i‧an  /kənˈtrɛəriən/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[kuhn-trair-ee-uhn]
–noun a person who takes an opposing view, esp. one who rejects the majority opinion, as in economic matters.

Though i've got nothing to do with economic matters its a contradiction itself for I love that subject. On that note I would share my belief that I so strongly hold - "80% of the people in this world are alike who would want the other 20% to become a part of their tribe" (Didn't Pereto discover something great ? )". But at the same time its the other 20% who make the world change. These agents of change (towards white or black) are the powerhorses who either bring the other 80% to submission or make them ashamed or inspire them to greater heights. I don't know if I am in those 20% but I surely hope/aspire to be in them. And thus the definition of this contrarian. A restless soul who wants to swim against the tide of his own expectation. Fly against the wind of social storms. Erupt like a volcano in the sea of oblivious existence to create an island of solitude. An island where anyone on the journey of self discovery is welcome. Anyone who can contribute to his learning of life and add to its beauty.

Someone told me i'm verbose. So I would prefer brevity in my first thought. I hope I've peeked into myself rather than giving you who might be reading this a peek into me.

Chale the hum khojne khud ko,
ek talaash ekaant main,
karwaan saath ho liya kab,
pata na chala,
bheed main bhi hum akele,
koi samajh na saka,
duniya disha dikhaati rahi,
aur hum raah talashte rahe |

Till the next time .. hopelessly hopeful of coming back soon ..