What am I doing ?

Here I am back again. Its been quite a hectic period. It just seems like yesterday when it was 19th of January when I was looking ahead to go to the campus. And today is 5th of February and I've already been to Lucknow,Chennai and Delhi. Time has been progressing at a breakneck speed. My friends are getting married left right and centre. Infact, in India its only me who's left from my college gang. In all this melee if I sit for two minutes I wonder where's the time I used to have for myself. It strikes me how often do I feel like just crashing on the bed with a book in my hand and finishing it in one go. How sometimes I just desire to sit by the sea side and watch the sun go down. How often I feel like just having a glass of wine set to the tunes of ghazals or some metal set to the backdrop of Coldplay. And this "how often" just keeps piling up. Its like seeking salvation. Salvation from the crime of depriving myself of all pleasures that seem so essential. And then suddenly I come back to reality. Or is it an illusion? Illusion that the magnanimous crowd seem to have built around eachone of us. Where what seems right is not the truth and what is the truth seems an illusion. Is that what Oscar Wilde meant when he said "Illusion is the first of all pleasures?". Mystery after all is not in the invisible. But in the visible that we can't seem to understand.