Something disturbing (you can read it here) brought me back to my blog. Below is my response.
Geography: 'South' is indeed a direction and so is North.
Anything above Vindhyas is not exactly Bihar. Patna is in Bihar and Jaipur is
in Rajasthan. They are both North of South but 1100 kms apart. No matter how
much you may use it to deny my Visa to “South” last I know being a “Northie” is
not a crime as per any IPC
Language: Just because I happen to work in Bangalore or
Chennai and don’t happen to know Kannada or Tamil doesn’t make me any less of
any Indian (my parents were Indian but they didn’t know that I needed a
language passport to prove myself to you). Some of us do know that Telugu and
Tamil are not same, just as you may know that not what Bollywood speaks is all
Hindi. Urdu is a separate language.
Pronunciations: Pardon our lack of understanding the
phonetics. But there are enough number of people who would know that da and dha
or ta and tha are also different. Not every word has to end with and extra
dollop of “aa”. For that matter as much as you use a “da” or an “aa” a Mumbaikar
may use “ya” or a Delhiite “bhai” for a friend.
Names : As much as Abhishek is not Abishek or Abhisheikh,
Thilak can also be written and pronounced as Tilak. And not all names have
middle names or are necessitated to have one.
People: We know people who speak Kannada are Kannadigas and
people who speak Tulu also come from Karnataka. But please also know that not
everyone who speaks hindi is a “bhaiyya”. And no, not everyone from Rajasthan
is a marwari (go figure in Geography which are the regions in Rajasthan) or a
baniya.
Appearance: You don’t have to be resentful if we happen to
be slightly away from Equator. We empathise with you if you are in Chennai when
we also face the heat. And no matter how much it may surprise us but we don’t
mock you for wearing scarves and gloves during winters in Chennai.
Professions: Not everyone from North is a thief. There are
enough professions for us as much as you have. Despite exporting enough labour
to South there are enough starving in Orissa and Bihar. Not all of us want a US
Visa, not all of us give GRE not all of us are maths whiz kids.
Religion: Not everyone can be Brahmin. Not everyone can be
non-veg. Not everyone is a low life just because he is a Northie. Not everyone
is out there to “maaro line on your daughter”. So just rent out the house to us
or don’t bloody advertise it.
Food: Yes, in North chapatis can be cheaper than naan. We
love our paranthas in the morning as much as we may love idli in the evening.
We love them both. South Indian is a fabulous cuisine for us. And we also love
Ghee / Butter
Arts: Don’t even want to respond to that. Downright lame.To even mention a Bharat Ratna awardee in such a post is pathetic.
And if you friggin call me Northie again, please do so. I’m
not gonna smash your balls. I know you are one of those who is so
concerned about the direction beween North and South that you forget each point
in this country has infinite directions to look at and infinite reasons to
smile. On my left when I need is my best friend who is a Kannadiga born and
brought up in Mantralayam, studied in Banaras with me and now lives in
Bengaluru. For the first three months in Chennai when I had my first job,
another best friend of mine who hailed from Chennai gave me place to live.
Another one of mine from Delhi is working in Kurnool (and even though I know
how to pronounce it I tease my friend with the wrong one). Another one from
Bihar smokes me off in Badminton when I play with him in a court in Bangalore.
The others from different places went to US and call themselves Indians. They
are no more madrasis or biharis. If I had not reassured myself that you are
blind I would have felt them to be lucky. So if you still have sense, please
put your education to some good use rather than penning such pathetic satires.
Sadly enough you have many of your ilk as I can see from comments on your post.
P.S: I love Lola Kutty. She's not squeamish.
